If you hear this song one hundred times it still won't be enough.

It's never enough, it's never going to be. Sometimes I don't even know if it's him, or this unattainable brass ring I keep reaching for on this crazy merry-go-round called life. Am I really that terrible of a girl? Does the normalcy of my life and my standards really outweigh all the good in me? It seems as if my strive for a decent life has left me light years away from everyone around me. I don't know if I'm so far ahead I can't see them, or so far behind because it's all pointless. We're all going to be miserable in the end. So why bother?

I was driving home on the Bayside Bridge and Sluttering came on. That song always makes me think of another boy, which makes me think of another time, which makes me sad. I cried so hard I thought it was 2001. I cried because this looked just like it did in 2001, though I'm now 26, and was still suffering heartbreak and dissapointment of this magnitude. I cried because I always get my heart so involved regardless of the situation. I cried because I hoped that at this point, I'd be over and done with all of this.

I cried so hard I almost took my truck into the bay. I still don't remember if it was because of the tears... or because of the tears.